“Divorce isn’t such a tragedy. A tragedy is staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce. “- Jennifer Weiner
After writing my book, “No Blame, No Shame – Living an Empowered Life After Divorce,” I have talked to many women who have been through a similar situation. In my case, I was married for 30 years when my husband left me for another woman, actually one of my best friends.
Divorce is one of those life-altering events that can leave you feeling free from the chaos and turmoil or feeling lost, vulnerable, and overwhelmed. Given society’s expectations, navigating the emotional turmoil that follows a divorce can be particularly challenging for women. However, with the right strategies and mindset, it’s possible to build or rebuild emotional resilience and transform this period into a time of personal growth, empowerment, and success. This post will explore effective strategies for emotional resilience post-divorce and share inspiring stories of women I’ve known and coached who have turned their post-divorce lives into success stories.
Nothing says “revenge” better than success! Just stay focused on ‘success.’
Strategies for Building Emotional Resilience Post-Divorce
1. Acknowledge and Process Your Emotions
One of the first steps in building emotional resilience is to acknowledge and process your emotions. In your life after divorce, certain things and events can trigger a wide range of feelings, including sadness, anger, relief, and confusion. Allow yourself to feel these emotions without judgment. Journaling, therapy, or talking to trusted friends can be effective ways to process your feelings.
2. Establish a Routine
This was a tremendous help to me when my ex left. My routine was to hire a personal trainer, go to the gym, play pickleball, meditate, and write my new life story. That was in addition to my primary work as the leader of a spiritual center. My routine provided a sense of stability and normalcy during a turbulent time. Because he was essentially forced out of our spiritual center, I was left in charge right when COVID-19 hit. It was up to me to keep our members together to mitigate the damage he had done.
So, incorporate activities that you enjoy and that contribute to your well-being, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time with loved ones. A structured routine can help you regain control and provide a framework for your new life.
3. Practice Self-Care
Self-care is essential for maintaining emotional and physical health. This can include regular exercise, a healthy diet, adequate sleep, and mindfulness practices such as meditation or yoga. Taking care of your body and mind can help you feel more resilient and capable of handling challenges.
4. Seek Professional Support
Therapists, counselors, and support groups can provide valuable assistance during the post-divorce period. In general, I’m not in favor of therapists, counselors, and support groups that focus on “problems.” Problems are not what anyone needs to focus on. Instead, those who help you to move away from the blame or shame, to create and share new strategies can be very helpful.
5. Focus on Personal Growth
This is YOUR time. Use it as an opportunity for personal growth. Explore new interests, take up new hobbies, or pursue further education. Personal growth can help you rediscover your strengths and passions, leading to a more interesting and fulfilling life.
“No Blame, No Shame”
6. Cultivate Optimism
Maintaining a positive outlook can be challenging, but it’s crucial for emotional resilience. Focus on the positive aspects of your life and practice gratitude. Reflecting on what you are thankful for can shift your mindset and help you appreciate the present.
7. Accept Change
Embrace the changes that come with post-divorce life. Accepting that life will be different and being open to new experiences can help you move forward. Flexibility and adaptability are key components of emotional resilience.
8. Develop New Relationships
In the 4 years after my husband announced he was leaving me, I wrote and published my first book. Five months later, I sold everything I owned and moved to Panamá. As of today, I’ve been here seven months. In that time, I have created a circle of female friends that I cherish and have better relationships with than I ever had before (my sister and sisters-in-law notwithstanding – I LOVE them!) I had never had those types of female friends who would be there for you no matter what, inviting each other to our homes or going out to ‘play’ just because.
If you don’t have female friends or hadn’t developed them while you were married, I HIGHLY recommend it. These relationships and friendships provided me with fresh perspectives and new opportunities. Connecting with others, whether through social activities, hobbies, or support groups, can really enhance your emotional well-being and help you feel less isolated.
Inspiring Stories of Resilience and Success
Some of the names have been changed to protect my clients.
1. Sarah’s Journey to Financial Independence
Sarah spent most of her married life as a stay-at-home mom. After her divorce, she found herself financially insecure and unsure about her ability to support her kids on her own. But Sarah was determined to change her situation. She dove into online courses, snagged a few certifications in digital marketing, and kicked off her freelancing career. Slowly but surely, she built a thriving online business. Now, Sarah’s not just financially independent; she’s also a beacon of hope, inspiring other women to chase their dreams and secure their own financial freedom.
2. Lisa’s Transformation Through Fitness
Lisa was really down after her divorce, feeling depressed and lacking motivation. To shake things up and boost her health, she joined a local fitness class, thinking it might help distract her from the blues. What started as just a way to cope soon turned into a full-blown passion for fitness. Lisa got so hooked she went on to become a certified personal trainer and eventually opened her own fitness studio. She’s not just transformed her own life; she’s inspiring loads of other women to focus on their health and find their own strength through fitness.
3. Maria’s Path to Self-Discovery
Maria’s divorce forced her to reevaluate her life and priorities. Like many married women, she had lost touch with her passions and interests. Maria decided to take a solo trip to Europe, something she had always dreamed of but never dared do before. During her travels, she rediscovered a love for photography and writing. Maria now works as a travel blogger, sharing her experiences and encouraging other women to embark on their own journeys of self-discovery.
4. Jane’s Advocacy for Mental Health
Jane struggled with severe anxiety and depression following her divorce. Seeking help from a therapist, she began to understand the importance of mental health. Jane became an advocate for mental health awareness, sharing her story and helping others seek the help they need. She founded a non-profit organization dedicated to providing mental health resources and support to women going through similar experiences.
5. Emily’s Artistic Renaissance
Emily’s divorce reignited her passion for art, which she had set aside during her marriage. She began painting again as a form of therapy and self-expression. Her work gained recognition in local galleries, and she soon started selling her pieces. Emily’s artistic renaissance not only provided her with financial stability but also helped her find a new sense of purpose and identity.
The women in these examples aren’t so different from you. They made decisions that supported a life they loved to live and acted on them. By the time of my divorce, I was retiring, and I was happy to begin my new life as an author in a foreign country. I didn’t have the desire to work hard to create a new business, but I stayed focused and wanted to help other women through my writings.
Because I took action on my dreams, I am now living my best life ever—and you can, too!
Kimberly Kelley 